The Finely Project’s 7-Part Holistic Healing Program Nurtures Grieving Mothers After Infant Loss

Some 22,335 babies die every year in America. With one in four pregnancies ending with the loss of a baby through stillbirth, miscarriage, or infant death, the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a heart-rending observance for hundreds of thousands of grieving parents nationwide.

Following their infant’s loss, 30% of women have thoughts of suicide while 20% live through prolonged depression. Nationwide there aren’t many programs that embrace grieving mothers’ immediate needs following the loss to help nurture and heal, while providing basic support in the days immediately following their loss.

“The Finley Project began because I could not believe or understand how there were not any resources available for mothers who lose an infant like I did. I watched the best part of me leave this earth and I felt like no one understood,” says Noelle Moore, founder of The Finley Project® (TFP) non-profit, named after her daughter Finley Elizabeth Oblander who suffered severe complications due to medical accident during birth, and passed away on August 16, 2013. “Watching a baby die is the worst thing a person has to go through on this earth…and I wanted to help other women heal and not walk the journey alone.”

In collaboration with subject matter experts, grief counselors, therapists, hospice care workers, physicians, neonatologists, and grieving mothers who experienced infant loss, Moore created the nation’s first and only 7-Part Holistic Healing Program designed for grieving mothers following an infant loss. Addressing physical and continued emotional and mental health care needs, the program offers support with funeral arrangements, provides meals/grocery gift cards, professional house cleaning, massage therapy, support group placement, personal sessions with licensed mental health counselors and more.

The Florida-based non-profit helps grieving mothers as Chelsea Johnson who lost her nearly four-month-old son, Christopher, in April 2015, “pick up the pieces and not feel alone.”  For the last seven years TFP has provided grieving mothers with over $90,000 in food gift cards, 1600 hours of housecleaning and massage therapy, 2,300 counseling hours and over 20,000 volunteer hours of supporting grieving mothers. While all services are free for the mothers, it costs TFP $1,500 to support each mother. With an annual operating budget of nearly $300,000­–all made possible through donations–the non-profit’s programs are delivered by its three staff members, three contracted employees and over 100 volunteers nationwide.

A former pharmaceutical market analyst and project manager, Moore is a graduate of the Rollins College Edyth Bush Institute for Philanthropy & Nonprofit Leadership  where she learned how to “see the opportunities and various ways to lead a nonprofit.” Recognized for the creative events she designed for TFP, she was a guest speaker at Rollins College’s “Special Events and Fundraising Class.”

In an interview with Moore, she discussed the critical needs TFP fulfills in serving grieving mothers nationwide, filling a critical gap in self-care for the mothers as they bid farewell to their child. 

Jackie Abramian: Why is there such a lack of proper support for mothers who experience infant loss? Is it the lack of true understanding or funds? 

Noelle Moore: Infant loss support is exceptionally overlooked and not funded because it’s peoples’ worst nightmare. Infant loss support for mothers and families’ needs more funding. While more and more celebrities and people talk about infertility and miscarriage, infant loss is also a topic that needs to be shared. It has such a catastrophic impact on moms and families and having support and hope can change that. That’s why I am so passionate about helping as many moms as I can. Having experienced this first-hand, I truly understand what mothers go through when they lose an infant. It is beyond devastating. Since our start, we have grown, expanded our offerings, and created genuine hope for families across the country.

JA: How many mothers has The Finely Project helped to date? 

NM: We have helped 320 moms in 33 states nationwide and ready to help more moms. We have a mission at TFP to help as many moms as we can. The average age of a mother in our program is between 18 to 43-years-old, and from diverse cultural and ethnic backgrounds. While we provide support to mothers, the direct benefits exceed and extend far beyond–to fathers, partners, grandparents and children who are impacted as well. From the benefit of a clean home through the cleaning services we offer, to attending counseling sessions with the mothers, to providing meals with the grocery gift cards, and more.

JA: What do mothers go through with your 7-Part Holistic Healing Program? 

NM: Our 7-Part Holistic Healing Program is the nation’s only 7-part holistic program for grieving mothers following an infant loss. It addresses the physical needs of grieving mothers and continues by addressing the emotional and mental healthcare needs of the mother. When I created the program, I knew that mothers need help at home, with food, physical care for their body and other support elements. These were needs not met nationwide. No other program mimics the steps and process of our organization. The Finley Project touches on the physical and then the emotional and mental health well-being of the mother through the 7-Parts program.

JA: Your application process requires mothers who are applying to have lost their child before age two…..why the age limit?

NM: We support a loss that occurs at 20 weeks’ gestation through the age of 2 years old. One  in 4 women are in the infant loss category–a loss before age 2. The need is greater and that’s why TFP is laser-focused on this population. My personal experience and understanding are with this population, and as my awareness grew of the need, so did my passion to help this critically underserved population. 

Mothers going through loss need very clear information and order, as everything else in their life feels chaotic and out of control. Our program application clearly sets the expectations up front with the mothers. We then use the information to assess if TFP is a good fit for the mother. We are not a clinical program, therefore mothers needing extensive in-patient treatment support would not qualify for our program.

JA: How many applications do you receive on a weekly basis?

NM: On average, about 4-5 applications a week. Each year, we try to help as many mothers as we can, which really comes down to our allocated, available funds. We work fiercely and daily to fundraise to help all moms who ask for help. That is our mission and goal. The more funds we have, the more mothers we can help because our model and processes are proven to work. 

JA: Why do you have a goal to help over 600 mothers by 2024? 

NM: It was a projected number that would allow us to grow with top quality care in mind. 

 JA: How are donations distributed–and who are your donors? 

NM: The Finley Project is funded by hundreds of individuals and family foundations and corporations. Since 2014, we’ve received nearly $1 million in donations. Often, the people who donate are connected to our mission of infant loss or know someone close to them. We hold several fundraising events including our annual Celebration of Life Gala on July 25, Finley’s birthday. We have gained traction with our partners including such national brands as Massage Envy and Two Maids & A Mop. When a mother comes to The Finley Project, we take these funds and ensure every service is accounted for and offered to her directly. 

For instance, a private foundation donated $8,040 to fund Licensed Mental Health Counseling for 10 mothers to encourage each mother to continue living her life after a loss. Changing the World Charitably donated over $14,000 to fund professional house cleaning and licensed mental health counseling for 14 mothers to cleanse their homes of the external chaos and provide counseling while they grieved.

TFP has over 50 event sponsors who contribute to various events throughout the year. Our Celebration of Life Gala, is sponsored by many corporations including VITAS Healthcare, Nemours Children’s Hospital, Insurance Offices of America, AdventHealth, MedNax, Noble Pharma, UBreakiFix, Two Maids among others. It is because of our sponsors, donors and supporters and volunteers that we can support each mom and expand the program nationwide.

JA: Having the horrible experience no mother should live through, what’s your message to mothers who have just lost an infant?

NM: Women don’t have to be silenced in our grief. There is a community of women you know that can gather to support and give each other hope. I believe, and I lead with the notion, that there is healing in speaking and saying your child’s name and acknowledging their life. Women should feel empowered to acknowledge that their little life did exist.  I encourage women to find other women who have lived through it, whether recently or 20 years ago–creating that community of women gives somebody a safe place to go and express how they’re feeling.

We are very laser focused on the first point of contact at the hospitals, our local community and through nationwide outreach to neonatal intensive care units where many sick babies end up.

I want to bring awareness not just to the loss but to what grief does to women–the depression and suicide rates that follow after someone’s worst nightmare happens.  Although we can’t save the baby, we’re trying to save the mom.