Unhappy young girl in custody battle
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In high conflict child custody cases, it is often recommended by professionals including lawyers, judges, social workers, psychologists that a Parent Coordinator (“PC”) is appointed to assist these high conflict parents in reaching agreements outside the court process.
What is a parent coordinator?
Parenting Coordinators are specially trained professionals whose work focuses on helping parents manage their parenting plan, improve communication, and resolve disputes. The role of a parenting coordinator will vary based on what a family needs, what the court may stipulate and state law.
A PC can be a mental health or legal professional. The PC role is highly prescribed in guidelines and sometimes by law, statute or rule, with a clear scope of authority and required training to practice by state law. Thus, the practice of PC is very different across jurisdictions and states.
Different States Have Different Rules Regarding Appointing PC’s:
Parenting Coordinator is a relatively new practice used in some states to manage ongoing issues in high-conflict child custody and visitation cases by professional psychologist or a lawyer assigned by the court or agreed to by the parents.
Under California child custody laws, a parenting coordinator can only be appointed when the parties agree and sign a stipulated order requesting one. That means you cannot force your ex-spouse or partner to work with a PC.
Under New York law, the court will not appoint a parent coordinator. The parents must agree to the selection of a parent coordinator themselves and they determine the limits and scope of the PC’s authority with the help of their attorneys. The authority of the court or the parents to make decisions for the children cannot be transferred to the PC.
In Florida, in any action in which a judgment or order has been sought or entered adopting, establishing, or modifying a parenting plan, except for a domestic violence proceeding and upon agreement of the parties, the court’s own motion, or the motion of a party, the court may appoint a parenting coordinator.
In Pennsylvania, after a final custody order has been entered, a judge may appoint a parenting coordinator to resolve parenting issues in cases involving repeated or intractable conflict between the parties affecting implementation of the final custody order.
In Ohio, the Court may appoint a parenting coordinator when it finds any of the following: (A) The parties have failed to adequately cooperate and/or communicate with regard to issues involving the child(ren) or have been unable to implement a parenting plan or parenting schedule; (B) One or both parties suffer from a medical or psychological condition or disability that results in an inability to reach agreements on or make adjustments in their parenting time schedule without assistance, even when minor in nature; (C) The appointment of a parenting coordinator is in the best interests of the child or children involved in the proceedings; (D) Upon agreement of the parties.
When is Appointing a PC NOT Appropriate?
The APA (American Psychological Association), advises that parents who have a history of prior or current domestic violence, intimate partner violence (IPV), may present substantial safety risks or power imbalances, and may not be appropriate for parent coordinating. The terms high conflict and domestic violence are often used interchangeably but do not describe the same interactions. Of greatest concern is the pattern of violence characterized by coercion and control (“Domestic Violence: Coercion and Control Equates to a Loss of Liberty, Sense of Self and Dignity for Women”, Forbes.com March 19, 2021), psychological abuse, intimidation and threat of harm, economic control, and often severe physical and sexual violence. Victims of such violence are at very high-risk following separation and in contested custody cases and may be best served before and after divorce by court intervention.
What is the difference between “high conflict” and “domestic violence”?
The AFCC (Association of Family and Conciliation Courts) published its 2019 “Guidelines for Parent Coordination” developed by its task force on parenting coordination 2017-2019. The Guidelines define “high conflict” parents who are unable to resolve the overwhelming majority, or all, of the disputes that arise between them regarding the health, education, general welfare, and process of training their common children.
Intimate partner violence (IPV) is defined by the AFCC as physically aggressive behaviors involving the intentional use of force with the potential for causing injury, harm, disability, or death and includes, in addition to physical and sexual violence, “coercively controlling behaviors involving harmful conduct that subordinates the will of another through violence, intimidation, intrusiveness, isolation, and/or control”.
Narcissism and Parent Coordination
As previously reported in a column on Mothers: How To Litigate Child Custody with A Narcissist (Forbes.com September 10, 2020), numerous articles, blogs and posts address narcissism and child custody all readily available online. The stories chronicle one parent’s struggles working with a PC and a narcissist other parent and how the narcissist uses and abuse the other parent by dominating the sessions, creating situations with the children whereby the narcissist deems the PC “must” intervene to “protect the children” and reporting on scenarios, often in the past without notice to the other parent, that require the PC’s intervention.
The skill of the PC in “shutting down” the use of their services by the bullying parent is put to the test in these scenarios. Ken Neumann, PhD, Director of Center for Mediation and Training, a parent coordinator in New York State, uses “guilt” to convince the parents that if they continue this behavior they will harm their child. He also meets with the children and goes to the parent’s homes. To the bully, “have you found this technique helpful in the past? Have you gotten what you wanted? Have you found things more helpful than this? How have your kids responded to this behavior? “Ken ends with “no parent wants to purposefully “screw up their children.”
The bullying parent can fire the PC and start elsewhere with someone new if they don’t like the PC’s decisions. Careful wording in agreements and/or court orders needs to be included to avoid this result.
When is using a PC most successful?
A qualified and trained parent coordinator can be an asset to parents who find it difficult to communicate or work with each other. A parent coordinator can be a successful tool in post custody litigation working with parents.
To the courts: it is a success when it reduces post judgment litigation and contempt motions that use up valuable court resources that could be better used elsewhere.
To the children: there is a financial benefit if money is saved on litigation that can be used for the children’s college education. Less litigation generally means the children are not being torn by the parents to adopt one parent’s position over the other thereby reducing stress on the children and allowing them to love both parents.
To the parents: the PC over time gets to know the family and can assist them to resolve disputes in a more timely manner than motion practice in a court. This in turn can save the parents money on litigation. A PC can also provide helpful resources to assist the family in their community.
Parents must believe that going to court is a last resort. When the parents adopt this thinking, the chance of success working with a PC is highly likely.
Ken Neumann says that he feels he has been successful as a PC when the parents can stand next to each other at the child’s soccer game and all go out for pizza afterwards.
