We’re out there in the world thinking “I can’t go live on Instagram”, “I can’t start this business”, “I can’t try this hobby” because we’re so worried about what everybody else is going to think. But the reality is and the research shows that most people are thinking about themselves. So what you’ve got to do is put yourself in other people’s shoes.
I know a lot of people are afraid to do things by themselves, for example, or they’re afraid to try new hobbies because of the way that they look.
You’re not out in the world, judging other people for being out by themselves or something that they are wearing or something new that they’re trying, and they aren’t judging you either. When you can truly understand that people aren’t as focused on us as you think they are, you can free yourself from feeling like the focus is on you.
3. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF
Falling in love with yourself is one of the best things that you can do. Not just because you have fear around judgment and caring what other people think, but it will just seep into every area of your life.
The way that I see it when you fall in love with someone and you know, you’re so just enamoured by them, you just adore them and you just want to spend all of your time with them…Well, that’s how it gets to be with yourself. But the reality is, when you’re in love with someone and when you truly admire someone, all of their negative qualities, all of the qualities that may be judged by others, you just don’t care about. If they try something and fail, you still adore them. If they make a mistake, you still adore them. You probably adore them more for going out there and being brave enough to try that thing. You’re not going to judge them because you love them and you adore them. That is the point that you need to get to with yourself. You need to do the self-love practices.
I know for a lot of you that might not have a great relationship with yourself, being inspired by yourself is something that seems like light-years away, but I promise you, you can get to that point. I really didn’t have a great relationship with myself, I used to be so incredibly judgmental of myself. I used to judge myself for everything, everything that I thought, everything that I wanted, I used to be so mean to myself, in my own mind.
If you want to not care about what other people think, your journey to self-love is one of the most important things that you can do for that.
But also, in addition, I do have a book recommendation that really helped me: it is called Women Don’t Owe You Pretty by Florence Given. It is one of those books that is just like the Bible for self-love, and also the Bible for not caring about what other people think. So definitely go check that one out.
4. HAVE PEOPLE AROUND YOU WHO LOVE YOU
You have to have people around you that you know are gonna love you no matter what. The reality is that the fear of rejection is a very intuitively primal thing. You know, way back when we were in the hunter-gatherer stages, if we got rejected, or if we weren’t accepted, then that could have been a matter of life or death. And so it is very intuitive to us to worry about what other people think. But the reality is, we just don’t have the same kind of dangers these days. Going live on Instagram, starting a YouTube channel, starting a business, no matter the outcome, are matters of life or death. And yet, we still treat it in that same way.
The only reason I’m so comfortable with opening myself up to criticism and judgment is that I know that I have a solid group of people in my life, my bunker buddies if you will. I have this solid group of people in my life that I know are gonna love me and care for me, no matter how weird I am. The reality is, we really don’t need anyone to survive but I think that we all have this deep desire for connection. And so knowing that no matter what you do, there is still going to be this tight-knit group of people, whether they be friends, or family or loved ones, you know, we choose the people that we connect with within our lives. When you have those people in your life, it’s a lot easier to stop caring what all of the other people think.
And then when it comes to stop caring about what that close-knit group of people think that work is on you. And that comes down to self-love, realizing that they’re thinking about themselves just as much as you are thinking about you and getting yourself to the point where you feel proud of yourself, so whatever anybody else is thinking is none of your business and it shouldn’t really matter.
REMEMBER, IT’S A PROCESS
This is definitely a process. The more that you actually put yourself out there and the more that you realize and prove to yourself that it’s not as bad as you thought it was going to be, the better it is, in the long run.
Before you start anything new, of course, you are going to have a lot of fear, particularly fear of rejection and fear of what other people think. But the more you do something, like with anything, the easier It becomes.
You really have to just go out there and fall in love with yourself. Be proud of yourself, realize that other people aren’t so focused on you because they’re focused on themselves. And be sure to surround yourself with that tight knit group of people that love you.
