How To Litigate For Child Support With A Narcissist

First Hurdle: Right to Child Support

Before a parent can seek child support they must have “physical custody” or custodial rights to the child or children. If the other parent is a narcissist, their narcissistic “personality” will lead them to seek custody in large part because of their sense of self grandiosity and entitlement-they cannot lose. Their sense of superiority and their need to destroy anyone who gets in their way can accept no other result than “custody “of their children. See “How to Litigate Child Custody with a Narcissist?”

Once you have prevailed litigating custody, you must now litigate for sufficient child support to enable you to support the children. This battle can be as contentious as the custody battle.

Record Keeping

The narcissist in a child support proceeding will under claim his assets, income and financial well being. They will obfuscate and hide sources of income, claim investments are debt, use internet currency, such as Bitcoin, that is difficult to trace, claim they are just an employee of a company owned by their parents,  produce tax returns showing minimal income, and claim to be self-employed facing bankruptcy. In public they pretend to be extremely financially well off but in the confines of a closed child support court room, they will claim financial destitution. They will also be the “smartest person in the room” making it apparent that they think they are smarter than any attorney or financial accountant or the judge and only they can explain their financial circumstances and “complicated” financial dealings. I once acknowledged to a litigant that that was probably true but that “I can add account balances.”

Let Their Narcissistic Nature Work Against Them

Their undoing is often the appearances they need to keep up to sustain their public persona-that of being extremely successful and well to do. Their public persona and grandiosity as they present themselves on the internet or to the public by spending money on clothes, entertaining, travel and cars can be used to show their real available cash.

Imputing Income

A court generally need not rely on a litigant’s representation as to his income. However, the court itself has no investigative arm. Only the other parent can provide the court with sufficient information for the court to “impute” income to the party beyond what they represent to the court. Start by subpoenaing records-credit card and bank statements that will show their real spending.

Keeping records of photos from the other parent’s social media accounts wherever possible-showing them driving expensive cars or bragging about their cash on hand can be helpful. Standing next to a Maserati with statements like, “Mazzas from now on baby” suggests a lifestyle different from that reflected on a financial affidavit submitted to the court.

One hip hop mogul, who claimed to be unemployed, had the name of his hip hop company tattooed on his arm visible to see in the courtroom. Online photos of him with gold chains and designer Gucci shoes and clothing successfully challenged his credibility to sufficiently create a more realistic picture of his actual spending and available cash for child support purposes. It is not enough to suggest a grander lifestyle-it must be proven with documentary evidence. 

Their actual spending can often tell the true tale of their available cash because while tax returns and other documents may show minimal income due to their ability to hide income from the taxing authorities, their spending shows a truer picture of available cash however obtained. Once you receive the subpoenaed credit card and bank statements showing actual spending and expenses, look at what purpose  money is being expended for (expensive clothes, restaurants, trips, jewelry) and add it up month by month, year by year.

Public records can also contain records of lawsuits to which they are a party where they are seeking substantial cash settlements. Probate records can show monies they may have inherited. A real estate broker who claimed to have few or no real estate sales bragged online about the multi-million-dollar homes he sold with photos of the homes attached. Checking from the photos to the real estate records produced a clear picture of what his income really was by estimating his brokerage fees and commissions.

Mortgage application and credit card applications can also be subpoenaed to obtain what they “claimed” as their income to obtain credit which may differ from their tax return or financial affidavit.

Financial expense statements submitted by the litigants to the court are also often a surprising source of information.  Adding up their rent or housing costs can often exceed their claimed income raising suspicions about their true income for child support purposes.

Be Prepared To Fight For Every Dollar You Need

Part of their narcissistic behavior in child support litigation will enfold as them trying to prove you wrong. You bested them in the custody battle, now they will be out to prove you a liar and a cheat and even a criminal if they can get away with it in the child support proceeding. Be prepared to account for every dollar you claim to expend on your financial affidavit and every penny you spend on activities, school supplies, medical care and childcare for your children. Be upfront with your attorney about any “mistakes” you may have made on financial documents or applications and be prepared to correct them. Make sure that what you claim as the soccer club expenses are accurately reflected in your credit card statements and that what you claim for household groceries are reflected on your bank statement or in ATM withdrawals as accurate.

The narcissist wants to paint you as they are-using the money for yourself-not the children. Don’t let them do so by presenting accurate information as to the child’s needs and not your own.

Try Not to Leave Anything Unresolved

The narcissist wants to bring you back to court over and over again. Don’t let him. Try to reach a settlement on every aspect of your children’s financial lives-consider their teen years, college entrance prep tests, trips to out of state colleges, increases in costs of living and college tuition, room and board. Leave as little unresolved as possible.

Utilize Your States Support Collection Agency

Do not allow the narcissist to pay you directly. Make sure payments go through the state agency set up to collect child support if available to you. This way accurate records are kept by a state agency of payments received and penalties can be imposed if he doesn’t pay his court ordered child support, such as suspension of a license or garnishing a tax refund without returning to court. Each state is different so check within your jurisdiction.

Child Support Is The Right Of The Child To Be Supported

Child support is the right of the child to be supported by both parents. You are not fighting for yourself. You are fighting for your child.