Poker Skills Are Giving Women A Leg Up In Deal Making: Here’s How

She’s a woman playing in a man’s world.

Best-selling author, psychologist and, yes, professional poker player Maria Konnikova has spent years studying the game, her predominantly male opponents and the strategies needed to win big.

Konnikova was the guest speaker on a recent video call with the DealmakeHers, a community of the most impactful women deal makers in the retail and consumer space. Maggie McGrath, Editor at ForbesWomen, led a lively discussion with Konnikova about lessons from the poker table that women can apply to the business world to become better deal makers. Here’s what we learned:

Don’t get tricked by the “illusion of control.”

It’s difficult to tell the difference between skill and luck. Many successful people, often men, erroneously believe their skills allow them to control all situations and this may lead to a false sense of confidence. It’s important to remember there are elements of chance in almost all business situations – and you must figure out which elements of your deal you can genuinely control and let go of the rest.

Confront elements of your personality that limit you.

Do you have biases or hang ups that influence your decision making? Do you acquiesce simply to avoid conflict? Do you have a need to be liked? Stop making excuses and confront these limitations. Making the necessary changes will allow you to develop the strongest version of you. 

Don’t judge people based solely on outcomes.

You can make a great decision and have a terrible outcome, or you can make a terrible decision and get lucky with a terrific outcome. A successful outcome doesn’t necessarily mean the decision maker is good at what they do. Dig deeper to see if the person across the table from you truly knows what they’re doing and makes good decisions, or just makes lucky ones.

Assume the guy across the table is bluffing.

You never really know what information the person across the table has. All you know is what they are portraying to have. Don’t let yourself be fooled by ego or confidence and be mindful of both the signals you read from them and the signals you send back. The ultimate goal is to keep your information close to the chest while discovering the most from others. Information is power and you want as much of it as possible.

Use your female superpowers to really listen.

Men in business can be blustery – failing to pick up on the subtleties nuanced in conversations and human interactions. Women, who are often underestimated, tend to be more perceptive and are experts at listening and reading social cues and body language. And all of these very important skills provide women with the ultimate currency – information.

Lean in or shoulder up.

If you are a “lean in” kind of person, make sure you have a strong support system behind you. Leaning in aggressively without adequate support from colleagues or superiors can be misinterpreted as bossy or demanding and can sadly backfire.

Or perhaps you want to “shoulder up,” as suggested by 22-year military veteran,

cybersecurity expert and CEO of Athena Technology Acquisition Corp., Phyllis Newhouse. Rather than lean in, she suggests we focus less on highlighting ourselves and focus more on collaborating with other women around us. Ask yourself, “do we have resources we can share and support each other?”

Business transactions don’t have to be zero sum.

In poker, the players who always have a cut-throat, winner-take-all attitude often don’t get invited back to the game. The same concept holds true in business. Try to create situations, deals or negotiations that offer a win to both sides. There’s a famous quote in the poker world, “You can shear a sheep a hundred times, but you can skin it only once.” Be the shearer, not the skinner.

Appreciate the power of non-verbal communications.

Konnikova says that hands are the most expressive part of the body. I call them a second language. Dry, sweaty or shaky hands may convey a strong message about a colleague’s state of mind. Also be mindful of your own hands. You don’t want them to be distracting but you may find simple hand gestures can add needed emphasis to your spoken words, even virtually when not seen on the screen.

Know when to walk away. No poker-themed article would be complete without a Kenny Rogers reference. It is important that you convey the notion that you are willing to walk away from a negotiation. Avoid the “sunk cost fallacy” by recognizing that sometimes you just have to cut your losses. And while of course this walk away attitude is easier to do when you have an established name, brand or reputation, really anyone can do it. In the words of Konnikova, “the ‘F you’ attitude can exist without the ‘F you’ money.”

It could be that now is the time to go all in, and who knows – if you play your cards right, you may end up really liking the hand you’ve been dealt.