Tania shares in her intriguing and powerful story about her kundalini awakening in her 20s after attending a yoga teacher training that ravaged her body, mind, and spirit. She experienced the Dark Night of the Soul for two years. It wasn’t until she met an eccentric Christian devotee that changed her life, leading her to have a unique mystical experience with Christ which resulted in her discovering her spiritual gifts as a healer.
What’s your story?
In my mid-20s after breaking up with someone I was deeply in love with I decided to do a four–week yoga teacher training in Canada. During my time there I experienced a kundalini awakening, although I didn’t know it at the time. What came after that awakening was grueling, frightening, and life-threatening. I experienced depression, unlike anything I have experienced before. My digestion shut down, my menstrual cycle disappeared, my hair fell out in clumps, and I lost 20 pounds which meant I went from 135 pounds to 115. I had terrifying out-of-body experiences, panic attacks, and relentless anxiety. I went to doctor after doctor only to discover that no one could help me. I became suicidal, spent three nights in a psychiatric ward, and put on a variety cocktail of psychiatric meds, none of which worked. People who knew me could longer recognize me. This dark night of the soul lasted for two solid years until a miraculous synchronistic series of events led me to grace and redemption in meeting Christ.
What do you wish others knew about your painful experience and journey?
I wish others could know that one must be very careful about communities who call themselves spiritual or teachers who call themselves spiritual.
How did this adversity change your life?
This adversity taught me that one does not need to earn God‘s grace or love. It taught me about true surrender and faith. I learned that miracles do indeed happen.
How has this experience changed your life for the better? Did it give you a greater sense of purpose? How so?
It changed my life for the better because when I was in the Ashram I was putting the teachers and Swami’s there on a pedestal. I was relinquishing my own power and knowing, thinking that someone else knew more than I did or could lead me to God. It truly taught me that the spiritual path is a path between you and God and no one else. I was given a second chance and from that point on I followed my heart, which was not without struggle, but I then knew that I never walk alone in this world.
When did you realize you were healing? How did it make you feel?
I realized I was healing when my depression and anxiety disappeared literally overnight. It happened when I arrived at Peter and Rebecca Laue‘s home in Colorado where I sought help for the last attempt. In their home, I was prayed over, and something dramatically shifted. When I returned home after my visit I had a powerful dream. In the dream, I felt my soul returned to me and a feminine voice asking me, “Tania, are you OK?“. I responded with a “yes, I am OK just a little beat up.” Upon waking the next morning all of my depression and anxiety were gone, and life came back into my being. Life suddenly was beautiful and joyous. I felt so connected to the divine and in such a state of peace, it was like nothing I have ever experienced.
What triggered you, if anything, during your healing journey? How did you handle it?
It’s hard to say what triggered me as depression was so severe that I had no emotion. The only thing that helps me through it was knowing at some point the suffering would end. My psychiatrist kept telling me that at some point the depression will lift. It did. But not in the way that she expected, as I had decided to go cold turkey on all of the meds that she had given me and how quickly I changed overnight after my visit in Colorado.
What did the healing journey look like for you? What did you do?
The healing journey was extremely difficult. I reached out to everyone and everything. I saw an acupuncturist. I went to a naturopath. I went to a Western doctor. I went to the Tibetan doctor. I went to an Ayurvedic doctor. I went to therapists. I went to the psychiatrist. I tried changing my diet and taking supplements. I tried cleansing. Nothing worked. The only thing that helped to soothe my anxiety was Reiki. After my depression lifted I found a medical intuitive who had revealed to me that I had heavy metals in my system as well as a job in cavitations that were contributing to my digestive issues and depression. And sure enough, it was true. It took me a while to find an alternative dentist who could help me. Eventually, I went through several surgeries to clear out a chronic bone in my jaw. I did NAET and craniobiotics to help illuminate my food allergies and viral loads. I also went to a naturopath who helped me detox from the heavy metals through IV chelation. I also worked with a homeopath to help me with my chronic digestive issues. This healing process took about 15 years to complete.
What difficult life lessons did you learn from this experience?
The difficult life lesson that I learned was that spiritual greed is definitely a thing. I also learned that any human spiritual teacher it’s not perfect and has many faults. I also learned that part of my depression was caused by the fact that as a child I was never empowered to be able to say no to anyone, especially authority figures. I was not taught to listen to my gut and my intuition which as a child was actually very strong. I was also not allowed to show anger as a child and so all those emotions were trapped inside my body. The kundalini awakening revealed the true amount of emotional toxicity that I had accumulated as a child.
What would you like to tell someone who is going through something similar to you?
I would like to tell them but there certainly are not alone and that God loves you unconditionally. To never give up. To talk to those who trust. Be gentle with yourself. Reach out to people, Even though it is you who ultimately has to walk the path on your own.
How have you transformed your inner pain?
My inner pain has given me such a tremendous capacity for compassion, listening, and holding space for others. It is what has made me such a powerful healer and artist. It has allowed me to embrace my sensitivity as a strength and to teach others that love heals.
