How To Say ‘No’ More Easily By Asking Yourself This One Question

We all often feel stretched too thin. We feel pressured to say yes to more work for fear of being seen as an underachiever. We say yes to going places with friends or family for fear of missing out. We say yes to tasks we don’t have time for. Saying no can be difficult because we don’t want to disappoint others or ourselves.

Help yourself to say “no” more often by asking yourself the following question:

What are you saying “no” to by saying yes to this? (I.e. What is the opportunity cost of saying yes?)

When you say no, you are taking back more of your own time, your most finite and precious resource.

Here are some suggestions for how to say “no” without sounding harsh or cruel:

• Be thankful and appreciative that someone wants something from you and vocalize that gratitude (e.g., “I’m so thrilled you thought of me, thank you. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to…”). 
• Be honest. If you can’t hold space for someone else right now, tell them precisely why (because you need solo time to recharge, etc.). Honesty can go a long way, but don’t feel like you have to explain yourself. 
• Respect and stand by your boundaries, comforts and commitments. If you have a personal practice of not going out on weeknights, simply state that. 
• Form muscle memory around saying no. The more you say no in casual, low-pressure situations, the easier it will be to respond in more serious ones. 
• Suggest a future alternative, such as tomorrow, next week, next month, etc. This lets the person know you still want to do what they want, just not on their timeline. 
• Don’t make an on-the-spot decision. All too often, we give a gut “yes” response, only to feel overwhelmed later. Let the person know you need time to think about it and that you will get back to them. This gives you the physical and emotional space to relay a yes or no later, on your own terms.
• Be helpful. If you aren’t able to do something, suggest someone or something who can. 

The act of saying no does not have to be a negative experience. Saying no can be empowering. Try these strategies and start to reclaim your time and priorities.